Adventures in Bush-isms Part I

Just because when President Bush speaks he makes me laugh, here are my favorite Bush-isms:

"If you don't stand for anything, you don't stand for anything! If you don't stand for something, you don't stand for anything!"

Following this logic, if I stand for something, I stand for anything and if I stand for anything, I stand for something. Right?

"They want the federal government controlling Social Security like it's some kind of federal program."

Well if it's not a federal program then would you please tell the federal government to stop taking so much out of my paycheck for social security?

"It's important for us to explain to our nation that life is important. It's not only life of babies, but it's life of children living in, you know, the dark dungeons of the Internet."

I have not come across any dark dungeons on the Internet, nevermind ones with children living in them. How would one live in a dark dungeon ON THE INTERNET?

"Bill wrote a book at Yale. I read one."

I'm betting there's only one book in the library at Yale that has pictures in it.

"I mean, there needs to be a wholesale effort against racial profiling, which is illiterate children."

Anyone???

"It is clear our nation is reliant upon big foreign oil. More and more of our imports come from overseas."

Funny thing, most stuff that is foreign comes from overseas. Otherwise it wouldn't be foreign. It would be dom-es-tic.

"The best way to relieve families from time is to let them keep some of their own money."

Isn't that generous? The President says we get to keep some of our own money.

"I'm gonna talk about the ideal world, Chris. I've read — I understand reality. If you're asking me as the president, would I understand reality, I do."

Don't generally live there, but do understand the basic concept of reality.

"The fact that he relies on facts — says things that are not factual — are going to undermine his campaign."

That must be the logic that got us into war with Iraq.

"It would be a mistake for the United States Senate to allow any kind of human cloning to come out of that chamber."

Who would want to clone a Senator anyway?

"They didn't think we were a nation that could conceivably sacrifice for something greater than our self; that we were soft, that we were so self-absorbed and so materialistic that we wouldn't defend anything we believed in. My, were they wrong. They just were reading the wrong magazine or watching the wrong Springer show."

The terrorists watch Jerry Springer?

"My trip to Asia begins here in Japan for an important reason. It begins here because for a century and a half now, America and Japan have formed one of the great and enduring alliances of modern times. From that alliance has come an era of peace in the Pacific."

Umm...anybody else remember a little thing called World War II?

...to be continued...