If I were the President...

I figure if I'm going to complain about President Bush, it's only fair that I tell you what I think I would do if I were President (because honestly, I have no idea how things work in Washington and maybe if I was the President I would see that things needed to be done differently). So here goes.

• I would end all funding for programs to bring democracy to countries that do not want us to bring them democracy, such as Iran and Syria. Bush asked for $75 BILLION to bring democracy to Iran. Think of the AMERICANS that could be helped with that $75 billion (Hurricane Katrina victims, anyone?).
• I would require all companies that receive government assistance or that are receiving tax breaks fill at least 50% of their jobs IN THE UNITED STATES. This percentage would go up by 2% each year to give companies time to bring American jobs back to this country from India. Companies that manufacture goods would be required to manufacture at least 50% of their product in the United States, with the same 2% per year increase.
• The revenue produced by 1) the increase in taxes from companies that outsource more than 50% of their workforce 2) the increased taxes from the people that were now employed by the companies that brought their jobs back to the United States, would go directly into Social Security to start paying back the money that Reagan had no right to steal...I mean borrow...to pay for his overspending.
• Stores with more than 60% of their inventory consisting of imported goods would have to pay an import tax on those imported items that they sold, thus a) increasing revenues to the government and b) encouraging business to sell American-made products. Yes, the prices would rise, but guess what? So would wages because Americans would have jobs again producing those products.
• I would see about making marijuana legal to smoke, but not to sell. You want to smoke it, you gotta grow your own; it would still be illegal to be a pot dealer. I mean, get real people. With all of the shit that is out there to be worried about, LSD, crystal meth, crack, heroin, guns, gangs and AIDS, is this really that big of an issue? If you're against drugs, don't smoke it. If you're a parent and don't want your kids smoking it, be the god-damned parent and don't expect the government or society to raise your kid; it's your job to teach little Johnny right from wrong, to know where he is and who his friends are. Besides, maybe if we all kicked back with a little weed every now and then people wouldn't be so angry. We could actually see violent crime on the decline.
• I would get the President of the International Olympic Committee to negotiate peace in the Middle East. If he can get North Korea and South Korea to stop bickering long enough to send one unified team to the Olympic games, I say he's got as much of a chance of getting the countries in the Middle East to get along as anyone.

I have more but it's past my bedtime. Besides, I think this is enough to start with.